Have a question about this? Bring it to Hypatia.
There is a question I return to with almost everyone I work with. It is simple and it is difficult.
What would you say to a friend who told you exactly what you just told me?
I ask this because the gap between how people treat themselves in difficulty and how they would treat anyone else in the same difficulty is, in most cases, enormous. The person who would immediately offer comfort and patience to a friend in pain is offering themselves judgment and the demand that they be better by now.
This is not a personality flaw. It is a learned asymmetry. We are taught from very early that we should be strong, resilient, not a burden, already recovered. We apply these standards to ourselves with a rigor we would never apply to anyone we loved.
The practice is simple and hard: speak to yourself with the same quality of care you would naturally extend to someone else who was in pain.
Once — just once today. When the self-judgment arrives, as it will, ask the question: what would I say to my friend who was feeling this? And then say that to yourself.
Go deeper with Hypatia
Apply this to your actual situation. Hypatia will meet you where you are.
Start a session